Why is it so hard for leaders to get honest feedback?

Leaders often struggle to receive honest feedback because of workplace power dynamics; employees may fear that offering criticism could negatively impact their job security or advancement. Additionally, most people have a natural resistance to feedback that contradicts their positive self-image.

What is the most effective way to ask for feedback from colleagues?

The most effective way is to ask a future-oriented question that solicits advice rather than criticism. The best question is, 'How can I do better?' as it signals a genuine desire to improve and makes it easier for others to provide helpful input.

How should I respond when someone gives me critical feedback?

You should treat the feedback as a gift and simply say, 'Thank you.' It is important to avoid the temptation to defend your actions or debate the advice, as this will discourage people from offering honest feedback in the future.

What is the problem with traditional negative feedback?

Traditional negative feedback tends to focus on past failures, which reinforces feelings of inadequacy and can cause people to become defensive or shut down. For feedback to be effective, it should focus on positive, actionable steps for future improvement.

Before asking for feedback, what should I ask my colleagues to do?

Ask them to commit to four things: letting go of the past, telling the truth, being supportive rather than cynical, and identifying something they want to improve themselves. This creates a culture of shared improvement rather than judgment.

How to Ask for Feedback That Helps You Improve

Leadership Is a Contact Sport is a regular column from leadership expert Marshall Goldsmith. Dr. Goldsmith is a bestselling author and one of the world’s leading executive coaches.

Soliciting feedback is the process of asking for opinions about our performance, but it's rarely a simple process. People generally struggle with negative feedback for two major reasons: we don't want to hear it, and we don't want to give it.

The Challenge with Negative Feedback

Honest, helpful feedback is essential for growth, yet it is notoriously difficult to exchange in a professional environment. The barriers are psychological and structural, affecting both the giver and the receiver.

Why We Resist Hearing It

Most people hold a positive self-image. Research shows that as many as 95% of professionals believe they perform in the top half of their group—a statistical impossibility that is a psychological reality. Because negative feedback conflicts with this perception of ourselves, our natural tendency is to reject it. Proving to successful people that they are "wrong" is an ineffective and alienating approach.

Why We Hesitate to Give It

Organizational hierarchies create clear power dynamics. Leaders and managers control compensation, career advancement, and job security. When employees provide negative feedback, they risk a "kill the messenger" response. This fear of reprisal silences honesty and prevents leaders from hearing what they need to know.

Furthermore, face-to-face feedback often focuses on past failures, which can reinforce a sense of inadequacy and cause people to disengage. Instead of inspiring change, it shuts them down.

A Better Way: Asking for Future-Focused Advice

To be useful, feedback must tell us where we are and where we need to go. It is a critical tool for measuring progress. The following method is a reliable way to secure honest, helpful input from colleagues.

1. Ask for a Commitment, Not Just a Comment

When coaching clients, I begin by sourcing confidential feedback from their coworkers. The goal is to enlist them as allies in the change process. You can do the same by selecting about a dozen colleagues and asking them to agree to four commitments:

Let go of the past.
Tell the truth.
Be supportive and helpful, not cynical or negative.
Pick something to improve themselves, shifting the collective focus from "judging" to "improving."

2. Ask the One Question That Works

There are countless ineffective ways to ask for feedback ("What do you think of me?"), but there is one right way. To get actionable advice, the question must:

Solicit advice, not criticism.
Be directed toward the future.
Signal a genuine commitment to improvement.

The best question is simply, "How can I do better?"

This can be adapted to specific contexts, such as, "What can I do to be a better partner?" or "What can I do to be a better team leader?"

3. Receive the Advice with Gratitude

When someone gives you the gift of their advice, your response is critical. Do not debate, rationalize, or explain your past behavior. This will be perceived as defensiveness and will discourage them from offering honest input in the future.

Treat every piece of advice as a compliment and a gift. The only response required is, "Thank you." You are not obligated to act on every suggestion, only the ones that make sense to you. Your colleagues will appreciate being heard and will be more willing to help you on your development journey.

Best Practice Institute

Best Practice Institute is the research organization behind Most Loved Workplace® certification, the SPARK Model, the Love of Workplace Index™ (LOWI™), and The Workplace Report.

The Workplace Report

The Workplace Report is BPI's original workplace culture research and editorial briefing series for CEOs, CHROs, people leaders, talent leaders, and employer-brand teams. It turns BPI's 25 years of research, Most Loved Workplace® certification data, SPARK findings, and current workforce signals into practical analysis leaders can use.

The report format includes executive summaries, research-backed articles, company examples, methodology notes, and practical implications for retention, hiring, culture, leadership, and employee experience. New research and analysis is published on an ongoing editorial cadence at /workplace-report.

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