What are destructive comments in the workplace?

Destructive comments are cutting, sarcastic remarks intended to put people down, cause hurt, or assert superiority. They add no value and serve only to inflict pain on the recipient.

Why do people make destructive comments without realizing it?

People often make destructive comments as an unthinking habit, so they do not remember saying them. There is a common blind spot where individuals are unaware of the negative impact their words have on others.

Is it acceptable to make a destructive comment if it's true?

No, the source argues that the truth of a statement does not justify its utterance. Instead of asking 'Is it true?,' one should ask, 'Is it worth it?' to evaluate the potential impact before speaking.

What is the 4-part test to avoid making destructive comments?

Before speaking, ask yourself if the comment will help: 1) your customers, 2) your company, 3) the person you're speaking to, or 4) the person you're speaking about. If the answer to all four questions is no, you should not say it.

Destructive Comments: Why Leaders Must Stop Making Them

Marshall Goldsmith is a member of the BPI Expert Network.

What Are Destructive Comments?

Destructive comments are the cutting, sarcastic remarks we make, intentionally or not, that serve no purpose other than to belittle someone, hurt them, or assert our own perceived superiority. This is different from feedback that adds too much value; this type of comment adds nothing but pain.

These can range from quick, sarcastic quips to extended critiques of a coworker's past mistakes. For example:

Saying "Nice tie" with a smirk.
Remarking "Good move" as someone stumbles.
Bringing up a past, forgotten failure, like, "Remember the time you missed that deadline and the company almost went under?"

The Self-Awareness Gap

Most people, if asked to list the destructive comments they've made in the last 24 hours, would draw a blank. We often make these remarks without thinking, so they don’t register in our memory. The recipient, however, always remembers.

Feedback data shows that “avoids destructive comments” is one of the areas with the lowest correlation between how we see ourselves and how others see us. We simply don’t believe we make these comments, but the people who work with us disagree.

The "Candor" Trap

It's easy to fall into the habit of making destructive comments, especially for leaders who rely on candor as a management tool. The problem arises when candor becomes a weapon, with individuals justifying harmful remarks under the guise of "just telling the truth."

The more important question to ask is not, "Is it true?" but, "Is it worth it?" We spend much of our day filtering our thoughts—a basic social survival instinct. We know the difference between honesty and full, unfiltered disclosure. This same instinct should be applied in our professional interactions with peers, managers, and direct reports.

A Simple Test for Better Communication

To avoid making destructive comments, use this simple test. Before you speak, ask yourself four questions:

Will this comment help our customers?
Will this comment help our company?
Will this comment help the person I’m talking to?
Will this comment help the person I’m talking about?

If the answer to all four is no, the correct strategy is to not say it.

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Teaching Leaders What to Stop:Making Destructive Comments