What does 'playing favorites' mean in a leadership context?

Playing favorites means a leader gives positive recognition based on how much an employee seems to like them or is similar to them, rather than on the employee's actual contribution to the company.

Why do leaders' challenges become more behavioral as they advance?

As leaders progress, their technical expertise is assumed. Their success becomes more dependent on interpersonal skills and their ability to effectively manage people and relationships.

Why do leaders sometimes reward agreeable employees over top performers?

Leaders may unconsciously favor those who provide unconditional praise, much like one enjoys a pet's affection. This is because it requires less critical self-reflection than engaging with constructive criticism.

How can a leader check if they are playing favorites with their team?

A leader can perform a self-analysis by ranking direct reports on their performance versus the recognition they receive, determining if recognition is tied to contribution or to personal affinity.

Playing Favorites at Work: A Leader's Litmus Test

The Leader's Behavioral Challenge

The higher you climb in an organization, the more your professional challenges become behavioral. While your technical skills and industry knowledge are established, success is increasingly hindered by a lack of interpersonal skills. Most leadership frameworks value behaviors like developing people and valuing diverse opinions, yet many leaders fall into a common trap: playing favorites.

The "Suck-Up" dynamic

Many leaders believe they are immune to flattery, but it's easy to see this behavior in others while missing it in ourselves. We may inadvertently send signals encouraging praise and discouraging criticism. But how can you be sure you aren't unconsciously rewarding the wrong behaviors?

The Dog Analogy

Consider this test, conducted with thousands of executives. When asked who gets the most enthusiastic greeting when they get home—a spouse, kids, or the dog—more than 80% admit it's the dog. The reason is simple: the dog is always happy to see them, offers unconditional affection, and never talks back. In other words, the dog is a "suck-up."

If we are not careful, we can treat our employees the same way, rewarding those who heap unthinking admiration upon us. This presents two significant problems:

Neglects actual work: If everyone is focused on flattering the leader, who is focused on results?
Favors the wrong people: If productive work is being done, you are likely rewarding the flatterers instead of the contributors.

A 4-Step Test to Identify Favoritism

To combat this tendency, leaders must first admit they have it. Then, you can perform a self-analysis by ranking your direct reports in four categories:

How much do they like me?
How much are they like me?
What is their contribution to the company and its customers?
How much positive personal recognition do I give them?

After ranking your reports, analyze the results. Is the correlation stronger between your recognition (4) and their contribution (3), or is it more closely linked to how much they like you or are like you (1 and 2)?

If your recognition is tied more to affinity than performance, you are playing favorites. This quick self-analysis won't solve the problem on its own, but it is the essential first step. Identifying the issue is where meaningful change begins.

Best Practice Institute

Best Practice Institute is the research organization behind Most Loved Workplace® certification, the SPARK Model, the Love of Workplace Index™ (LOWI™), and The Workplace Report.

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Teaching Leaders What to Stop: Playing Favorites